24 songs that are worth $675.000 and a strange statistic involving “god” and “fuck”

Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.
- Robin Williams
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Today I learned that Jammie Thomas has been sentenced to pay 675.000 dollar for downloading 24 songs through Kazaa. Which comes down to 22.500 dollar per 5 Mb, 128 bit MP3 file. In the days of Kazaa MP3 hadn’t the quality that we are used to now.

Twenty four crappy mp3 files. Which songs I wonder are worth so damn much?
Wikipedia had the answer:

The 24 songs

Artist/Band Song[36] Release Date
Aerosmith Cryin’ 1993
Bryan Adams Somebody 1984
Def Leppard Pour Some Sugar on Me 1988
Destiny’s Child Bills, Bills, Bills 1999
Gloria Estefan Rhythm Is Gonna Get You 1987
Gloria Estefan Here We Are 1989
Gloria Estefan Coming Out of the Dark 1991
Goo Goo Dolls Iris 1998
Green Day Basket Case 1994
Guns N’ Roses Welcome to the Jungle 1987
Guns N’ Roses November Rain 1992
Janet Jackson Let’s Wait Awhile 1987
Journey Don’t Stop Believin’ 1981
Journey Faithfully 1983
Linkin Park One Step Closer 2000
No Doubt Different People 1995
No Doubt Bathwater 2000
No Doubt Hella Good 2001
Reba McEntire One Honest Heart 1998
Richard Marx Now and Forever 1994
Sarah McLachlan Possession 1993
Sarah McLachlan Building a Mystery 1998
Sheryl Crow Run Baby Run 1993
Vanessa Williams Save the Best for Last 1992

I am the XangadiX and I will review each song in 140 characters.

Aerosmith, “Crying”

The only reason to think about Aerosmith is when you might find yourself thinking about Liv Teyler’s dad. If you have to think about Aerosmith, think about the video of this song and turn the volume off.

Bryan Adams, “Somebody”

I know of a broad movement, demanding apologies from Canada for all their so called musicians; Justin Bieber, Avril Lavigne, Celine Dion and … BRYAN ADAMS. He is the first who’s head should be on a stake on the shores of Canada!

Def Leppard, “Pour some sugar on me”

I had to look this one up. Now I am scraping my ears out with a blunt knife and a sleek pen I found. Is there a way to unhear?

Destiny’s Child, “Bills Bills Bills”

Everything ever produced by destiny’s child will kill most of the microbiodome in your gut and leave you with an irritable bowel syndrome.

Gloria Estefan, “Rhythm is Gonna Get You”

I was 8 when this song was played on the radio. I completely forgot about the song but now it’s in my head again. Traumatizing me again. Can’t… get it … out of my HEAD … . I want my mommy.

Gloria Estefan, “Here we are”

When I looked this one up I got Justin Bieber commercials. So here is a dubsteb remix of Justin Bieber getting shot (in HD): YouTube Preview Image

Googoo Dolls, “Iris”

“And I don’t want the whole world to see me …”, maybe you shouldn’t make a song and make an ass of yourself behind your telescope. Dushback.

Greenday, “bascet case”

Actually, this is one of the XangadiX theme songs. This song is amazing, it describes the whole purpose of XANGADIX’ rantings in technicolor:

Sometimes I give myself the creeps
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me
It all keeps adding up
I think I’m cracking up
Am I just paranoid?
Am I just stoned?

Guns and Roses, “Welcome to the Jungle”

Axle Rose is a prophet and all nineties kids are his disciples. On second thought, the red haired Indiana boy sounds awfully outdated these days.

Guns and Roses, “November Rain”

Eleven minute entourage for the Amazing Guitar solo by Slash

Janet Jackson, “Let’s wait awhile”

I was still waiting for November rain to finish when I started this one, it’s a terrible combination. And I think I have conjured twenty-three Pokemon with down syndrome :-/

Journey,  ”Don’t stop believing”

Never heard of this. It’s terrible. It starts with “yeahiyeah”. And I know a gerbil is violently smacked to death if somebody sings “yeahiyeah” on Youtube.

Journey,  ”Faithfully”

Why donwload another aberration of these “Journey”- fellows. Putting this on your computer should cost you 22.500 dollars. In fines. Moron.

Linkin Park, “One step closer”

Once there was a band with amazing bass and guitars and drums and DJ and rap and rock and hiphop and everything nice. And then there was another band. And then another. And another and after a lot of bands, it was done. And after all bands were done, and had gone home, and the lights had gone on in the morning. And everything was well again. Then came Linkin Park.

No Doubt, “Different People”

Aah… the tank-girl days of Gwen Stefani, very nice indeed. If you are into Stefani. Even if you don’t like the music that much anyway …

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No Doubt, “Bathwater”

meh.

No Doubt, “Hello Good”

What’s with all this No Doubt. Have you any idea what these songs are worth? ( 22.500 dollars apparently ) Only ‘different people’ would have been enough. Damn, that’s an expensive misdownload.

Reba McEntire, “One Honest heart”

OMFGWBBSAFF?!!! …. What is this terrib … aAAAAaaaaAAAa… FUCK CANCEL! CANCEL… BEGONE! DIABOLUS! AWAY!  …

Richard Marx, “Now and Forever”

Awh freck! My dick has hidden itself well within my belly. Now I’ll be incontinent for three whole days again. Darnit!

Sarah McLachlan, “Possession”

Wait wut? Ow, no. I fell asleep just now. Did I miss something?

Sarah McLachlan, “Building a Mystery”

Zzz.

Sheryl Crow, “Run baby, run”

A baby cannot run. That’s the whole point of being a baby. If it could stand up and walk around it would be a Toddler, now wouldn’t it. Stupid.

Vanessa Williams, “Save the best for rest”

I hate Tennis. And I didn’t knew Vanessa Williams could sing! And she can’t. In fact, although the video and music would have you believing otherwise; she doesn’t actually sing.
Vanessa Williams makes your ears bleed. Which is quite something else altogether.

Well now, that little exercise has cost me 675.000 dollars. Appearantly browsing youtube was costly back in 2007.

This is madness.

A Strange statistic

And now, for that fascinating statistic I have been promissing:

fuck_god

This is a google trend index for the search volumes of the word “god” and the word “fuck”. Amazingly they have been keeping pair for the last 8 or so years. Although “fuck” seems to be winning these days …

y?

Posted: August 25th, 2012
Categories: media, nerd, philosophy, web, weird
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,
Comments: No Comments.

Write ALL the code in Javascript

“Hi. You’re going to call off your rigorous investigation. You’re going to publicly state that there is no underground group. Or we are going to take your balls. Look, the people you are after are the people you depend on. We cook your meals, we connect your calls, we guard you while you sleep. Do not fuck with us.”

Tyler Durden, Fight Club


http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3pcw1x/

http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3pcw1x/

It is everywhere now. Javascript.

I’ve been bumping my nose into more and more javascript these days. It seems that slowly but surely everybody is writing javascript now. I was to blame Steve Jobs and the whole HTML5-frenzy some three years back, but truth be told, it all started earlier.

Maybe been as early as that whole AJAX bandwagon that rolled out in 2005. But truth be told, javascript was around when I was typing away tables in HTML back in 1999. Then it was this nasty, ugly and bulky language. It was only good for knitting long strings of functions together in an inedible garble that had to be rewritten for every single browser. And Macromedia’s Dreamweaver made the ugliest javascript of all.

So I went on, learned Flash, learned a couple of more programming language and then starting to find more and more javascripts doing these little things… Connecting a mousewheel to Flash apps… Hooking up urls-anchors to Flash pages… providing google with analytics information, providing a nice hover for my menus and so forth. All the while all that javascript simply lay there. As dust piling up in the corner of the web. This massive amount of Javascript.

Everywhere.

Of course it didn’t take long before somebody came along and actually wrote a good metalanguage upon javascript to make it more browser – and more coder - friendly. First there were things like javeline, ajax.org and mootools; but soon JQuery became something of a winner. Finally javascript was able to do those nice manipulations of the dom swiftly and elegantly; The little things on webpages; making menu’s hover and images flip, animate and flurp.

JQuery made my day. I actually wanted to write a post: “‘JQuery’, or why I stopped worrying about Flash and started to love Javascript”, but I never did, because I hadn’t anything to add to the discussions that wasn’t already said on some other blog. The title remains very nice though, glad I finally could use it in a sentence.

Later I found out that they are recreating everything I did the past 5 years with Marduq in Javascript under the umbrella of Mozilla in Popcorn. – Very nice to find some like minded people and they do it it very fine indeed – so you’ll find some crazy popcorn experiments here, soon.

Then I heared they have brought javascript to the server. You can write Javascript in a V8 engine residing on your server and connect, or call to it, through the clients app (be it mobile, desktop or whatever … ) in node.js. No need to sidestep with Ruby, PHP, Java or ASP … !

Finally, I was looking this weekend into some weird interface devices for veejaying and came across a program called “Control“. So I was looking at the website over at http://charlie-roberts.com/Control/ and started to read. Now Control is is basically a scripted interface for mobile devices to create Midi controllers (long story, very cool  ) and found that the scripting language of the whole thing is ………….  friggin javascript. JavascriptJAVASCRIPT…. JAVASCRIPT EVERYWHERE!

Posted: May 20th, 2012
Categories: general, nerd, technology, vj, web, work
Tags: , , , , , , ,
Comments: 1 Comment.

MegaUpload and the Megabox

“when fact is fiction and TV reality”

– U2 – bloody sunday

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through Vlotman,

I don’t read a lot of news, but when I do, I read it on Russia Today (True story), and I came across this interesting piece of information about MegaUpload; “Did the music industry destroy MegaUpload”, and it tells a nice story about how Kim DotCom was trying to set up something called “MegaBox”, at which artists could publish music and retain 90% of the profits. Kim even promised artist compensation for free distribution. In other words, the deathblow to all major record labels. A complete cut out of the middle man. This idea of course, made a lot of people very angry, and they accidentily filesharing (without SOPA no less).

And you can say about the floating fat man what you will, he still gave us the megacar ( back in 2000 :p ) when he was still called ‘Kimble’. Another wannabe german hacker turned ‘entrepeneur’. Still, this “MegaBox” sounds like a damn fine idea!

Let’s see how America is going assange on his ass (coming up).

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also:
what the BBC is making of all of this. or, nah, what 50-year-olds think cyberwar is like. pah.

Posted: January 28th, 2012
Categories: media, nerd, weird, work
Tags:
Comments: No Comments.

Masks of the Anon

It is well enough that people of the nation do not understand our banking and monetary system, for if they did, I believe there would be a revolution before tomorrow morning.

- Henry Ford

moa

'Masks of the Anon',Free after David Macks 'Skin Deep' issue from the Kabuki Series

Half of the internet has been blacked out, and the other half is busy talking about it. One would think that such an event would send a clear signal to the powers that be. Allowing corporate forces to control the free flow of information is not, I repeat not a good idea.  How many times do we have to repeat ourselves before we learn that corporations and industries don’t act in the best interest of ‘the people’.

learn more at wikipedia
help to stop it

#Update: Explenation of the implication of SOPA at Khan Academy

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Posted: January 18th, 2012
Categories: media, nerd, politics, technology, web
Tags: , , , , , , , ,
Comments: 1 Comment.

Our culture is reaching the boiling point

“As I understand it, at the last count human information was doubling around every 18 months. Further to this, there is a point somewhere around 2015 when human information is doubling every thousandth of a second. That means that in each thousandth of second we will have accumulated more information than we have in the entire previous history of the world. At this point I believe that all bets are off. I cannot imagine the kind of culture that might exist after such a flashpoint of knowledge. I believe that our culture would probably move into a completely different state, would move past the boiling point, from a fluid culture to a culture of steam.”

from ‘The mindscape of Alan Moore

Yes, you have to spent well over an hour listening to the man who gave us Watchman. And who also came up with the dresscode of the global Occupy movement in ‘V for Vendetta’. He may be a bit eccentric, but remember that Alan Moore forsaw important parts of the future in his visions. In this video he argues that after the ‘cultural boiling point’, all bets are of, as we move from a fluid culture to a culture of steam.

Now press play on tape:

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He traffics in fiction, not in lies.

Meanwhile, the Occupation spreads

“first they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.”
- Ghandi

“And furthermore, I think The Financial System should be destroyed”
- free after Cato the Elder

As I still am a professional VJ I used my gig at Korsakoff, last VJ cafe as an chance to present my new set ‘#occupy Chaos’, of which I will dump some Livemixes on Youtube (or somewhere … ). Still need to figure out some music, I’m thinking about ‘fight the power’ or ‘get up stand up’, still not sure.

But I must admit that I’ve never received so many hugs, ‘boxes’ and handshakes then I did when I premiered that set last tuesday.

Meanwhile the ‘metamovement‘ is gathering some serious pace the last days, and it looks like important parts of the world are joining the occupation this Saturday (15 okt). Will this finally amount to anything? I don’t know, but we need to try. Now. Get over to http://www.occupytogether.org/ for more info and of course the inevitable http://www.occupyamsterdam.nl/

Note to self; need to update the homepage too. Need to get moar out there…

images-slides-ws_12

The old man spoke out about OccupyBoston, his home town

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Moar on this on the interwubs:

Be sure to check the 4 part edition of “MELTDOWN” at AlJazeera at http://english.aljazeera.net/programmes/meltdown/

And Russia Today has an exellent coverage over at http://rt.com/search/?q=occupy&filter=all

Complexity – Secret Life of Chaos

There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

- Douglas Adams, the restaurant at the end of the universe

This is worth an hour of your time:

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#UPDATE, BBC has removed this video, so I’m switching to the Chinese video sites;

try: http://www.56.com/u18/v_NTY0ODgxNzU.html
or : http://www.tudou.com/programs/view/_VwaafYgKoY

Here is the chatlog on this one; includes tags and videos:

* FatChat
<00:16> Complexity_-_secret_life_of_chaos_-_bbc_2010
<00:25> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uF7gdlTrCQY
<00:55> carbon, water, air ...
<02:34> okee, klinkt vet :)
<02:38> ORDER and CHAOS
<02:54> vette visual
<04:11> /wiki alan_turing
<04:36> http://nl.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alan_Turing
<04:50> enigma ?
<05:39> mathematical equation for human intelligence
<06:56> morfogeism ?
<07:34> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morphogenesis
<07:39> self-organisation
<08:29> citaion needed
<10:04> citation needed
<10:08> vette pic!
<12:48> fucking matrix
<14:18> female hormone injections ?
<14:24> what hormonens?
<14:55> xlife
<15:31> vette visual
<16:20> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boris_Pavlovich_Belousov i think
<16:21> pic seems ligit :p
<17:39> ?!
<17:55> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Belousov-Zhabotinsky_reaction
<17:56> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:The_Belousov-Zhabotinsky_Reaction.gif :D
<21:47> nice industrial visuals
<24:01> on newtonian physics
<24:06> wiki\
<24:26> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Isaac_Newton
<25:09> zou het klokken kunnen syncen op 2 verschillende plaatsen ?
<25:09> = note, dan ebberts; after effects expressions
<26:24> nice visual
<26:34> CHAOS!
<26:36> KAOSSSss
<27:10> lol juressic park reference!
<27:47> Lorenz
<28:14> http://nl.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hendrik_Lorentz
<28:49> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_Norton_Lorenz
<28:51> last one is the right one
<29:32> butterfly tornado guy
<29:50> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Butterfly_effect
<30:51> quote: end of the newtonian dream
<33:41> spontaneos pattern emergence?
<35:05> coupling or feedback
<35:40> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chaos_Theory
<35:43> whahahaha
<35:49> video feedback :)
<36:16> bwahahahahahaha
<36:23> vette installatie met de lucifer
<37:03> spooky bit
<38:24> diffusion ?
<38:31> quote pattern is waiting to happen
<39:06> mandelbrot
<39:19> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mandelbrot
<39:28> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beno%C3%AEt_Mandelbrot
<41:52> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self_similarity
<42:05> boom van pascal
<43:02> fractal
<43:12> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fractal
<44:08> lol
<44:11> thumbprint of god
<44:52> z=z^2 + c
<47:42> wow
<48:34> far fetched :p
<49:19> evolution
<49:29> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evolution
<51:19> the Computer
<52:08> wie is dit ?
<52:15> follsom ?
<52:27> folsen ?
<54:07> wow ?!
<55:14> self organisation
<57:37> and god said the word, and the word was god
<57:50> johannes ?
<58:54> BBC4
<58:54> subs

Moar:

The original FatChat(tm) on Marduq
A new interpreter for wiki using popcorn

Musings at dusk

“Our test is crisis, and observation. And yet, hope clouds observation”
- Bene Gesserit Revered Mother Gaius Helen Mohiam of the in Dune

I’ve been spending some weeks on a pebble beach in Croatia, sipping Karlovacko and watching the Griffon Vultures circle the cliffs of the isle of Cres.

The birds are out

The birds are out

And I’ve been reading “the Economist” and doing some sorting in my head. This crisis that the media seem to can’t shut up about has actually run it’s course already.  It has been coming for decades and yet everybody plays surprised. It’s pathetic. This is the utter and complete meltdown of the monetary system as we know it. The last time this happened was after the second world war, and there was America to buy us out with their steel-dollars and oil-economy. Like the Visigoths in Rome the Americans did this just to get on the good turf of the powers-tha0 be. In 1945 those powers were mainly the ancient European Aristocracy. Today, the only power left to still be able to pull something like a Marshall plan off would be China, but the “land of the middle” couldn’t care less about fancy titles and diners with the queen of England.

Ridding the world of this greed-driven-capitalism doesn’t sound nearly as bad as some would have you believe. If it wasn’t for the blabbermouths of corporate media, predicting Armageddon every chance they get. Bank runs, riots, power outages, survival kits, all these things are thrown in your face by television and news papers to convince you that a catastrophe is looming. Lets try and look beyond those grimm tales of doom.

We have so much stuff right now that we practically shit ipods. People that throw out their wardrobe every season are actually quite common. We are used to two vacations a year, and live in houses that are 40% overpriced (not in the USA anymore of course, but still).  In short, we’ve spent about 7 times the total worth of this planet, and are thus indebted the Earth 6 times over. Anybody still surprised over a financial meltdown can stand in a corner trying to get their head out of their ass.

We can do with a whole lot less, and still have happy, full lives with quality tv-shows; internet discussions, lolcats, education, playing children, electricity and lazing around in parks on our days off. Hell, as I argued earlier, over 60% of us do not need to work to keep all those things running that are actually worth a damn. We are sitting here on the most fertile lands in the world and are able to optimize that soil with technology beyond measure. We can even eat meat once or twice a week. Building a stress-free society of abundance for everyone is actually the easy part.

So what about those riots?

Ow yes. It will start with a bank run. And then another bank run. And then yet another. As a matter of fact; Big Corperation (Siemens in this case) pulled out 500 million euros from French banks the other day (google search, first article). Rest assured that when the media picks up a story like this, it is probably happening for weeks if not months. Then finally the people will get wind of it and start taking money out of the bank themselves (or at least those who still can). Banks will fail, and there is no more money to bail them out, next states will fail and finally the whole system grinds to a halt. Panic. Riots. Looting. Violence. Hate. Death.

Or at least in our major metropolitan areas, and even there on a rather small scale. Then things will calm down. And we will have to sit down together and figure a way out.  Rebuilding our infrastructures, getting our energy supplies up and running and reclaiming farmland…

Which is all nice and dandy If it wasn’t for Naomi Kleins compelling argument for the shock doctrine.

“In THE SHOCK DOCTRINE, Naomi Klein explodes the myth that the global free market triumphed democratically. Exposing the thinking, the money trail and the puppet strings behind the world-changing crises and wars of the last four decades, The Shock Doctrine is the gripping story of how America’s “free market” policies have come to dominate the world– through the exploitation of disaster-shocked people and countries.”(source)

Klein argues that most of the crises we see in our world are actually carefully manufactured to push legislation and control by government and corporations. The most compelling example is of course the ‘Patriot Act’, pushed through in the aftermath of 9/11.
The question now is this: is this whole financial meltdown actually manufactured?  A construct to push through even more legislation, further watering down out our personal freedom, privacy and whatnot. If it is, what is actually being doctored then?
If  (and that is a big if by the way) 9/11 was used as a pretense to move into oil-rich deserts in the Middle East, what possible actions will be legislated through a financial collapse? A way to move into the Arctic in a quest for gas? Destroying Canada’s forests in a quest for oil rich tar-sands? RFID-Chipping  all citizens in the west?
Or is this crises real, and have the powers-that-be finally overplayed their hands and will they finally get exposed for the fraudulent criminal and corrupt bunch that they are.

There is a simple way out of this you know. Pay your debt. Stop watching commercials, get to know your neighbours, share with your friends what you don’t need and stop being so fucking afraid all the time.

I will leave you now with some wise words from Mussolini, who was not nearly as mad as the guy leading Italy now.

“Fascism should more appropriately be called Corporatism because it is a merger of state and corporate power. “
- Benito Mussolini

Have a happy meltdown.

The Bailout-bubble

“[...] so much money was spent on ’saving’ the car industrie that even if it involved millions of jobs, it would have been cheaper to give each worker 100.000 dollar and have him find a new job”

- after Megan McArdle

Have you ever wondered what a “stimulus-package” means? – It means that nations are pumping money into the economy that could have been better spent on ‘real’ issues, like, ow, I don’t know, educucation, welfare, research, housing or even the arts. But no, instead our gouverments need billions of dollars, euros, yens and yuans to keep the suits up and happy.

Here is the whole story, it’s worth your 50 minutes.
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Posted: July 19th, 2011
Categories: politics, propaganda
Tags:
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The Battle in Syntagma Square

“So you think that money is the root of all evil.
Have you ever asked what is the root of all money?”

– - Ayn Rand

Most of you will have noticed that Greece is not doing very well lately, that is to say the powers that be are asking the country to bend over and take it up the ass, over and over again. Now most Dutch media (and international sources) are balently taking notes from Fox News and other less informed sources to try to analyse the situation. The situation is this; as we grew accustomed to enslaving huge parts of the world through IMF loans and ridiculous claims to accompany that debt, we are now imposing the same rules and regulations on people in our own backyard. Greece is an important part of the EU and of our own western cultural heritage. The great industrial leaders of our time don’t know the difference between the monetary system and democracy anymore and are taking industrialist advice to solve the situation, but all they are doing is pushing the country back to the dark ages by treating it like a spoiled child. This can and will happen to all nations if we do not stop them now.

But do not take my word for it, read it at Sturdy Beggars Theatre Company – Blog

parthenon-4-sale

What is going on in Athens at the moment is resistance against an invasion; an invasion as brutal as that against Poland in 1939. The invading army wears suits instead of uniforms and holds laptops instead of guns, but make no mistake – the attack on our sovereignty is as violent and thorough. Private wealth interests are dictating policy to a sovereign nation, which is expressly and directly against its national interest. Ignore it at your peril. Say to yourselves, if you wish, that perhaps it will stop there. That perhaps the bailiffs will not go after the Portugal and Ireland next. And then Spain and the UK. But it is already beginning to happen. This is why you cannot afford to ignore these events.
I have never been more desperate to explain and more hopeful for your understanding of any single fact than this:
The protests in Greece concern all of you directly.

What is going on in Athens at the moment is resistance against an invasion; an invasion as brutal as that against Poland in 1939. The invading army wears suits instead of uniforms and holds laptops instead of guns, but make no mistake – the attack on our sovereignty is as violent and thorough. Private wealth interests are dictating policy to a sovereign nation, which is expressly and directly against its national interest. Ignore it at your peril. Say to yourselves, if you wish, that perhaps it will stop there. That perhaps the bailiffs will not go after the Portugal and Ireland next. And then Spain and the UK. But it is already beginning to happen. This is why you cannot afford to ignore these events.

Taken by request from Sturdy Beggars Theatre Company – Blog
Through Sargasso
Also through the same source: Regarding the Greek Situation

Posted: July 3rd, 2011
Categories: politics, propaganda, research
Tags: , , , , , , ,
Comments: No Comments.

Stop the Clock! (part 2)

“What a Mess”
- – Jon st. John as Duke Nukem

So I’ve waited half my life for this game, and yesterday it announced that I started the “final battle”, and then it was done. Now I don’t usually do game reviews, since I only play Doom, Duke Nukem and Assassins Creed, but I’ll make an exception this time. So, did it live up to it’s expectation? No. Was it a good game? It was fair. Did you have fun? Yes, I laughed my ass off, but I’m kind of weak for this kind of humor.

duke-nukem

Duke Nukem has a terrible game engine. Just look at the picture above, does the girl turn you on? Does she look sexy? No. I’m looking at a friggin’ poser-model, which is badly lit. Most of the game does that to you. It is there, but it just isn’t. You know what I mean?
It has no open space-levels. No striking sound design. No volumetric audio. No realistic facial expression, No volumetric lighting. No Causting. Mediocre scripted action sequences. And Terrible acting.

But most annoyingly, the graphics are from a different era. We’re just up and about these graphics nowadays:

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2004 called, Duke, and they want their engine back.

Still Duke Nukem is fun to play. As promised, you can interact with a lot of elements in the game (although I haven’t found a commander Keen Arcade machine). The game is quite easy to walk through, even in ‘hard’ mode and it’s funny as hell. Walking around with a shotgun, shooting pig-cops and kicking a Cycloid-Terror-Alien (or whatever these bosses are called) in the nuts is fun. Especially with the Duke wisecracking a reference or two. Splattering enemies with a machine gun is fun too, especially when you can go in and rip their heads off.

It’s all nostalgia. I played the Duke3d for nights on end, over an IPX network (and got blasted to bits by Schurem over and over again). I guess that  is my main concern; my illegal copy doesn’t allow local-network gameplay. These people aren’t actually thinking that I would pay for this crap? I want a game and a laugh, I’m not here spending money on this out-of-date-bullshit-excuse for a game. It’s nostalgia, dammit; a reminder of the fun I had when I was 15. Besides, I didn’t pay back then either; got my copy straight from the Twilight CD’s. Hell yeah. Back then it allowed for local network play too.

It’s a pity, because I would have had the most fun, presumably, shrinking Schurem and stepping on him (and get blasted to bits again by him after a respawn). Alas, in this day and age I need to login to Steam and register with payed-for credentials. Steam shouldn’t allow games that old on their network anyway. If you are about to bring out a game that is 7 years overdue, you should include an IPX network mod. I’ll dig up some serial cable again and get the computers together. Truth be told, the single player of Duke3d wasn’t that great either.

I’m serious about the price by the way, as Ravage puts it on GameFluke:

Duke Nukem Forever should also not be garnering a full-blown retail price of $60.  Instead 2kGames should have opted to release this as a bargain title at at less than 1/2 the price. [...].  Its clear Gearbox Software had one mission when they were brought in:  Just finish the damn game even if it sucks.

( italics by XX )

So with this part of my life finished I can look forward to real games. I hear the beta of Battlefield 3 will be available late september …

Posted: June 30th, 2011
Categories: nerd
Tags: , , , , , , ,
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This is brilliant.

Little pic I found on the interwubz. This is brilliant.
No really, Makes me wonder why I never thought of this.

Utter Briljance

Utter Briljance

Posted: June 28th, 2011
Categories: nerd, weird
Tags:
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